on working at marriage…

ryan-with-canvasa few days ago ryan and i got in a doozy of a fight…then, just a couple days later ryan took me on a date. our first “official” date since silver was born.  he arranged for my parents to watch the kids, then….drumroll please….he took me to a local art store to buy some new canvas.  they were having a huge sale and we got so many beautiful new canvas…fresh and ready for creating…

no big deal right…wrong, here’s why:

first of all, money is pretty tight for us right now, and spending what we have on canvas was not in the budget…ryan is stingy…um, i mean frugal (wink, wink), so it’s pretty meaningful.  then there is the fact that i have started, failed, and restarted creative ventures so many times, and ryan would be so justified in not finacially supporting another one…but he continues to support me.  he calls it his best “investments.”  finally, his faith and certainty in my talent.  he sees it when i don’t.

long story short, i’ve been struggling with just where my creative path is going to lead, in fact i’ve been struggling just to even get on a path at all.  ryan knows that this struggle is very destructive for me.  so, he took me to buy canvas…a couple new brushes, and some paints.  I LOVE IT!  he does know me!  don’t get me wrong…our marriage is work, but it is the most worthwhile job i could  have.

you know, i used to work so hard at my job.  i’d stay up till all hours of the night,  forgo meals, and dismiss self care if it meant i could use that time to work.  i loved work…i craved it…i championed it.  it was never simple, usually a challenge, and almost always exhausting.  but it was worth  it!  i am a visionary…and when the work seemed too  much, i would rely on a vision..an end goal to carry me through…

the reward was simple…knowing i was moving toward something more than myself…something greater than me alone.

so it should be with marriage…

ummm….wait, what about those lovely chick flicks(that my ryan says are just as bad as a violent/crass action dramas).  the ones that leave you wondering why my own marriage isn’t daily displays of passion…acts of affection shown by rainbows, chocolates, and beautifully planned dates with music, dancing and fireworks…that’s love right?

hmph…what about surviving physical and emotional pain, or staying up half the night fighting then waking up ready to work it out.  what about the suffering…what about being right along side each other through tragedy…through heartbreak…or celebrating your greatest creation…our children.  what about problem solving uncontrolled circumstances that will change things forever…what about for better or for worse…  or,  how about when you together you are still…when the world you created seems like total chaos…or looking at this world, and realizing that the two of you together have created something extraordinary…something more than you could ever do alone.

our life is a roller coaster ride, full of twists and turns, ups and downs…and an occasional turn into a cave of darkness.  i am in the front seat, and i hold on to the hope that i am not on this ride alone.


(this is totally in the works…but i like where it’s going…)

ryan and i have had our share of trials, and although sorry to admit, we have more often than not, let our marriage be the casualty to those trials.

with that i will remind myself of this…it’s work.  IT’S WORK!  it’s work…and your best work comes with fortitude. this marriage is the most valuable work you will ever do.  for yourself, for your man, and for your girls.  what you make of marriage will cultivate your own happiness, how i treat my man will nourish his happiness, and showing the girls how it’s done will lead to their happiness.   ps…he can be quite charming!




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4 Responses to on working at marriage…

  1. LindaC says:

    Yes, Heidi, sustaining a marriage is hard work. There is fighting, making up, compromising, sticking to your guns, letting go, forgiving, forgetting, and more making up (the fun part of the work!). If sustaining a marriage was easy, there would be fewer divorces. Hanging on and working through takes stamina and determination. After 34 years of marriage we are still learning to work through the hard stuff.
    As for your art, you always have the sweetest images, and you inspire me. I love the rainbows, butterflies, the hearts……happy images that feed the souls of the hungry. Love you! LC

  2. Lois R. says:

    Heidi, I enjoyed reading this post and I must say that I am so proud of you both for working it out and realizing that your marriage is absolutely worth it. My marriage I thought was good till December 27th when my husband walked out on my daughter and I and found out the next day he was never coming back. No good bye’s or see you later… no nothing!! My heart sank. My heart broke into a million pieces that has been stepped on and smashed into the ground! Nothing like this feeling at all! I know the reason he left and he is the one that has to live with his decision he made. I could be rude and say all kinds of things, but how would that make me look. I will be the better person…and know that this was not my decision and that I did not lie to my daughter like he did….On a happier note, I love your creations and I am glad to see you getting back to them…I can’t wait to get my craft room complete with LOTS of Reagan’s Closet fabric and paper line….it is my favorite and makes me happy!! =)

  3. Tina Mayo says:

    Omgosh..This is so what I needed to read….just like you Me and my Husband have been fighting too lately..we have been married 12 years and together 21 total..we have 3 kids as well.(2 with autism and 1 that has allergies, asthma, and ADD….. and we are in debt up to our eyeballs too..usually what are arguments are about. But reading this” how i treat my man will nourish his happiness, and showing the girls how it’s done will lead to their happiness” is what I needed to read right now ..so Thank you!!!! and P>S> wherever your path leads you..I will be following and hoping it is still about scrapbooking..because I LOVE your ideas..you are sooo good at what you do..I would love for you to do some awesome stamps with dies..I am so into coloring with my copics lately!! Take care and Thanks again!! ..funny how things like this happen and lead me to read this..at this moment..lol

  4. Dawn says:

    “looking at this world, and realizing that the two of you together have created something extraordinary…something more than you could ever do alone.”

    I love this. I am so glad you are back. :)

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