2016 truth and BIG MAGIC

one word…YES!  no, two words….YES! FINALLY!!  no, 44 words…yes! finally!! a kindred spirit has captured the very description i have been looking for to so adequately explain the fear of  “i’m not worth being creative anymore because i am stuck and in a weird funk, so i’m through.” phase i’ve been in.

reading BIG MAGIC by Elizabeth Gilbert has transformed my thinking.

i am so truly grateful! not only for her constructive dissection of the creative struggle but more importantly…her empathy! she has masterfully described exactly what i have been going through the last few years creatively with painful yet insightful detail!

i’ve only started to devour it, and already find myself reading the same pages over and over again earnestly trying to digest every word while welding it to memory!

my words have been and will always be, first and foremost, a guide for my little flock.  so i share this in hopes you will learn from my vulnerability girls!

the book outlines an abundance of fears to halt creativity.  as i read the inventory of fears,  i recognized every item listed (except one).  in fact, i didn’t just recognize them…i knew them well.  more than that…i totally face them and let them cast a shadow on my creative self.

all right here comes my Brene Brown moment!!

i have allowed my creativity to become plagued with fear of failure, expectations of perfection, and beliefs of inadequacy. its paralyzing!

these fears are real.  scary and real. fears like, my work won’t be good enough, witty enough, or cute enough. i don’t have the time, energy or resources to attain it with the exact expectations i have set for myself. i am past that artsy phase in my life.  i should be cooking, cleaning, working or mothering. i’m not smart enough, skinny enough, clever enough, cool enough…blah, blah, blah…blah…blah!!!   BLAH!

the fears are real.  but they are just fears.  you can either feed them or starve them…its up to you!

“Creativity is scared, and it is not sacred.  What we make matters enormously, and it doesn’t matter at all.  We toil alone, and we are accompanied by spirits.  We are terrified, and we are brave.  Art is a crushing chore and a wonderful privilege.  The work wants to be made, and it wants to be made through you.”

Elizebeth Gilbert

Elizabeth Gilbert…really?!  eat, pray, love…i mean i was so moved by that work, but you have hit the mark with this one! if you are struggling with this, i would encourage you to get the book , read the words, and do the work to move through the fear.  that’s my plan!   a life made creative is enriching!  its fun, colorful, exciting, and warm. simply put…it’s what i want for me and my family.

truth: i trusted.

truth: i was betrayed.

truth: it hurt.

truth: it still hurts.

truth: it is much safer for me to be guarded, to mistrust myself and others, and to keep busy avoiding the day miss creativity comes back into my life.

wait…thats not true! it may be easier and safer…but not embracing your need to connect with creativity hurts you every single day you don’t let her in!

stop feeding fear! he’s a nasty lot. you can recognize him, even wave and smile at him if it suits you…but don’t put your hand in the cage!

be guarded, bitter and jaded…or be confident with mindfulness…inspired with intuition…and brave with authenticity.

fortunately the soul steps in. fortunately miss creativity is forgiving. fortunately there is…courage!  she may be burried, bruised and a little  dusty, but she’s there ready to brushed off, held by the hand, and guided to live life with creativity the way she intended!!!


i love to nest.

i love to mother.

i love to write.

i love to paint.

i love to draw.

i love to craft.

i love to design.

i love to read.

i love to train.

i love to coach.

i love to think.

i love to look.

and i love to play.

2016: just do what you love heidi.

so…i’m ready to write again…

this last year has been…a…wild…ride!

i am sitting here enjoying the last lazy days of summer watching the price is right, and snuggling with my sweet gems! i was just thinking…that while i am SUPER sad i didn’t document better (thank goodness for instagram right!) i am so proud that i really focussed on living in the moment. for me, to do that, i had to hyper focus on  nothing but being.  being present, being focused on my crew, being open to feeling the stuff i have been pushing away. that is it. no pressure of business, no pressure of blogging, no pressure of fighting to get back to where i used to be, no pressure of earning (thank you ryan for working long hours to bring in the extra cash we need!) i needed to get to a place where creating art, and making cute stuff was for no other reason that simply…to create!  create it for me, for my family…or just because! it hasn’t been easy to get here.  with everything i went though with all the…you know what…whatever…i’m over it.  i’m here now…and i love it. so although not successful if measured with the standards of the old days…i have had fun!  i have been so lucky to be with our girls…to teach them, to play with them and to connect with them!!! take a look.

we did art. we did a lot of art.

we connected with animals and nature.

we played.  we laughed.  we argued, and then made up…we connected.

we traveled in the vanagon aka “the dove.”

we danced…like everyday!

we learned the joy of making and selling stuff.

we did a lot of sports.

we stood for what we believe in.

and…we got a little older.

there’s more…so much more! but for now…that’s it.  it’s been nice to have a big long break!  all that said…once an entrepreneur always an entrepreneur!  we (and when i say we, i mean we, as in the whole family…because that’s how i role now) have taken the opportunity to start a new business and we are SO excited!!!  it’s not something i ever thought i would do…but i actually can’t believe how excited and grateful i feel!!!

i will be sharing more very soon!  here’s a hint…





the most creative kids in the world!

girls-doing-arti am so proud of my girls!  they are all imaginative, bright, and confidently creative!  we do art everyday…literally all the time…and while some the the traditional school disciplines may take the back seat, i have to say i feel so good about it!  they love to express themselves and art is such a healthy and constructive way to do just that.

ok, so they may not  know how to add, read or write (wink, they are actually super smart)…but it’ll be ok, because they will be the dreamers, the music makers, the inventors, and the explorers.  my girls will learn how to climb mountains and then paint the sky!

they created these amazing pieces of art when given the phrase, “the world would be a better place if…” for an assignment and art contest.

here is their work:

reagangrowloveby reagan kress

grow love

“i believe the world would be a better place if people could plant and take care of trees instead of cutting them from forrest and rain forrest to build things like stores and large cities.”

irealandsanctuaryby ireland kress


“i believe the world would be a better place if people did not kill animals to eat.  i think it’s bad to kill any animals.  it hurts their feelings and they feel pain.  i love animals because they are friends.  they deserve the same love as a human gets.”

irelandspeakpeaceby ireland kress

speak peace

“the world would be a better place if people expressed our feelings with our words instead of actions like angry actions and fighting.  that is violence.  those things would be better worked out with words.”


by paisley kress

lions and tigers

“the world would be a better place if people would not be rude to tigers and hunt animals for taking thier fur.”


on being grateful for now…


i woke up before the family today…the house was quiet…

my day began.  i walked past the book room and saw calico critters spread across the rug. i glanced in the front room and saw art supplies all over the table. i quickly sneak a look out over the water, and realize its going to be rainy, my favorite kind of day. then i  got to the bathroom where toilet paper was draped all over the floor and toilet. i looked over at the stack of parenting and unschooling books on the fireplace mantel and wondered if i could get just a few pages of reading in.  i started a load of laundry, straightened up the kitchen (which means collecting up all the toys, bike helmets, and ballet tights, among other things, that were left from the day before).  i cleaned up a spilled bag of loom bands, wiped off the counter, and cleaned up the high chair.  i made 2 dozen gluten free banana muffins, and started on the full sink of dishes…i always intend to do them before bed, but frequently falls low on the priority list after a long day. i started to edit the music the girls chose for the much anticipated ice skating recital (reagan chose young blood, ireland chose free like a bird, and paisley chose king and lion heart) i heard the ducks tooting from the brooder, telling me they want to be let out for morning foraging. then i looked in my purse to find my phone and charge it for the day…but instead found two pairs of dirty socks (that didn’t match), a tap shoe, a spilled bag of almonds, and an uncapped orange marker…oh, and no cell phone.  that’s not all, but you get the picture.

i heard the pitter patter of tiny feet, and not before long, two of my four sweet girls were flanked at each side of me snuggling in tight and peering over my shoulder as i reviewed today’s events.  the conversation of mermaids and dragons started, and i heard the other two babes over the monitor, who ended up in our bed last night…again.  they were laughing and cooing entertained by each other.  the hunger cries followed from all parties…then the day really began…

one day i’m going to wake up, pull clean clothes from my drawers, (instead of  the counter in the laundry room) and get ready for the day.  then i will stroll by each tidy room after another on my way to a sparkling clean kitchen.  one day i will reach into my spacious purse and find a fully charged phone next to my organized bill fold.  one day i will sit down, look out over the water as i sip on a cup of tea and quietly read some meaningless novel. i can imagine that on this day, i will nostalgically listen for the pitter patter of those little feet, but all will be quiet.  something tells me that on that day…i will miss my circus of a life!

so today my heart is full as i am beyond grateful for this exciting season of life i am in.  grateful for  spills, young talk, and busy schedules.  grateful for constant motion, little sounds, and unbridled energy.  grateful for my little flock and all the beautiful chaos and unmistakable joy that comes with it!




be…open to change.

once upon a time there was a girl who had it all…or at least she thought she did.

a beautiful house furnished with pottery barn, a cool car, a handsome husband, two darling daughters, and an exciting career traveling the world.

with it came, a house keeper, a stack of bills, a room mate, a nanny, and lots of frequent flyer miles.

what the girl didn’t know was life was about to change….and when it did,  it changed A LOT!

at first it was hard…really hard, in fact it broke her for a bit.  and some days are still hard, but most days are wonderful…magically wonderful!

now the girl wipes away gluten free toast crumbs from the counter while she home schools her very creative, energetic, and talented children in the beautiful but very lived in house.  she drives a 1987 volkswagon vanagon across town, to and from, and all around.  she fights hard but then makes up just as hard with her still very handsome husband, as they figure things out as a team.  she adores…like literally adores, her now four darling daughters.  she humbly tinkers in her quiet and dusty little studio from time to time.

and with this comes, a home, a paid in full mode of transportation, a partner, a flock, and freedom.

with this comes…the little moments, the invaluable ones.  the moments that simply can not be replaced by any thing material. the challenges, tears, pain and struggle. the victories, laughter, joy and accomplishment. with this comes the satisfaction that she has created and belongs to the greatest organization established…the family.

with this comes…peace.


so girl, don’t forget to stop and be open to change…it may just surprise you how delightful it is!