one word…YES! no, two words….YES! FINALLY!! no, 44 words…yes! finally!! a kindred spirit has captured the very description i have been looking for to so adequately explain the fear of “i’m not worth being creative anymore because i am stuck and in a weird funk, so i’m through.” phase i’ve been in.
reading BIG MAGIC by Elizabeth Gilbert has transformed my thinking.
i am so truly grateful! not only for her constructive dissection of the creative struggle but more importantly…her empathy! she has masterfully described exactly what i have been going through the last few years creatively with painful yet insightful detail!
i’ve only started to devour it, and already find myself reading the same pages over and over again earnestly trying to digest every word while welding it to memory!
my words have been and will always be, first and foremost, a guide for my little flock. so i share this in hopes you will learn from my vulnerability girls!
the book outlines an abundance of fears to halt creativity. as i read the inventory of fears, i recognized every item listed (except one). in fact, i didn’t just recognize them…i knew them well. more than that…i totally face them and let them cast a shadow on my creative self.
all right here comes my Brene Brown moment!!
i have allowed my creativity to become plagued with fear of failure, expectations of perfection, and beliefs of inadequacy. its paralyzing!
these fears are real. scary and real. fears like, my work won’t be good enough, witty enough, or cute enough. i don’t have the time, energy or resources to attain it with the exact expectations i have set for myself. i am past that artsy phase in my life. i should be cooking, cleaning, working or mothering. i’m not smart enough, skinny enough, clever enough, cool enough…blah, blah, blah…blah…blah!!! BLAH!
the fears are real. but they are just fears. you can either feed them or starve them…its up to you!
“Creativity is sacred, and it is not sacred. What we make matters enormously, and it doesn’t matter at all. We toil alone, and we are accompanied by spirits. We are terrified, and we are brave. Art is a crushing chore and a wonderful privilege. The work wants to be made, and it wants to be made through you.”
Elizabeth Gilbert…really?! eat, pray, love…i mean i was so moved by that work, but you have hit the mark with this one! if you are struggling with this, i would encourage you to get the book , read the words, and do the work to move through the fear. that’s my plan! a life made creative is enriching! its fun, colorful, exciting, and warm. simply put…it’s what i want for me and my family.
truth: i trusted.
truth: i was betrayed.
truth: it hurt.
truth: it still hurts.
truth: it is much safer for me to be guarded, to mistrust myself and others, and to keep busy avoiding the day miss creativity comes back into my life.
wait…that’s not true! it may be easier and safer…but not embracing your need to connect with creativity hurts you every single day you don’t let her in!
stop feeding fear! he’s a nasty lot. you can recognize him, even wave and smile at him if it suits you…but don’t put your hand in the cage!
be guarded, bitter and jaded…or be confident with mindfulness…inspired with intuition…and brave with authenticity.
fortunately the soul steps in. fortunately miss creativity is forgiving. fortunately there is…courage! she may be burried, bruised and a little dusty, but she’s there ready to brushed off, held by the hand, and guided to live life with creativity the way she intended!!!
i love to nest.
i love to mother.
i love to write.
i love to paint.
i love to draw.
i love to craft.
i love to design.
i love to read.
i love to train.
i love to coach.
i love to think.
i love to look.
and i love to play.
2016: just do what you love heidi.