the last few weeks have been quite eventful. i had planned to use them catching up on old blog posts, preparing for fun new content, painting, creating, volunteering in the school, working out everyday, teaching, cooking, finally doing that post holiday deep cleaning in the house…playing, crafting, and adventuring with my little flock, training them for gymnastics tryouts…oh, and of course having homemade muffins made for the family everyday…the list goes on and on…
instead our poor little family has been hit pretty hard with sickness. sinus infections, colds, coughs, reflus, bronciolitis, fights, neck pain, back pain, tummy pain…more infections, and major fatigue. also, we finally got in for sweet little silver’s torticolis treatment…only to be discouraged when we found out she is loosing WAY too much weight and is not thriving…so she has been attached to me non stop! then today, the cherry on top…i found out that i have to have foot surgery. again. on the other foot this time. umhhh…defeat. in short…i’m feeling really maxed out and super spread thin. i just don’t see how i can do it all right now?
the last few days, and especially today, i have been thinking about how i really need to ease up on myself…to just let it go! let the expectations go!
its not unusual that i resign to let things go, resign to have faith, and resign to trust in a bigger plan because it is the only option left(trust…it’s a hard one for me!) what if instead i could learn to practice letting go. yes, practice it! i have to practice gratitude (by the way my gratitude practice today: doctors who can do for me and my family the things i could in no way do for myself or them.) it’s seems i have gotten in the habit of misleading myself. i tell myself that if i hold onto pain, discomfort, and unrealistic expectations for myself…it will give me some control, some comfort, something to hold on to. a layer of protection maybe?
oh healing soul…that is not the protection you need. you simply need is an armor forged in perspective and an arsenal of unconditional love. this will help you clearly prioritize your true center.
be brave little girl…and let it go! let go of the self judgement that comes with that laundry list of unrealistic expectaitons you have set for yourself. hey…it’s doable, you have done it before. you let go of the fear that came when ryan deployed….both times! you let go of the sorrow that came with loosing your name when you regretfully sold heidi grace designs. you let go of the emptiness felt when you miscarried. you let go of grief that accompanies ill family members. you let go of heartbreak that clings to martial stress (this is a work in progress.) you let go of the discouragment that came with those new mama blues. you even let go of the defeat that shadows realization that in this season of your life, you just can not have a perfectly clean house. none of these are greater than the other, pain is pain. though this list has left some unhealed battle wounds…you hold them as a reminder, carry them like a badge of honor…then as you chisel down what matters…it is really quite clear:
so when life gets busy, gets lonely…gets hard…take a breath, remember you are more than you used to be…recenter your perspective and let the expectations go!